sometimes i wonder, how to keep happiness to stay and never let it slip. why is it always SO difficult to make things last forever? no matter what it is.

crying out loud i don’t even know how long i can stay on this silly earth, so years ago, i decided, “i would like to xxxxx before i die”.

不在乎天長地久，只在乎曾經擁有。

i can never dispute this idea. i found it very right, and i found it very true.

however, recently, as i grow EVEN older, i find out something else.

even if you have finally achieved what you have always wanted/dreamed of since a you were a child, after your satisfaction has been fulfilled quite a bit, regarding how difficult or how much it has cost, it all comes down to one conclusion … this is not right, … cause, it does not seem to last.

this is not good, if does not last, that would mean, as time goes by, what you have now, will be gone one day, or, in some worse cases, SOON. soon it will be gone.

how to keep happiness and satisfaction LAST, the best would be, last till the day you die.

A few days ago, Steve Jobs passes away. I was very shocked. It feels so sudden. Never thought it would happen so suddenly, maybe because his real health situation had always not been quite public.

Anyway, the thing is, the day we got the news, 社長 came in and asked if I have listened to his 2005 commencement speech in Stanford.

He so wanted me to hear about it, even when I was working. So I listened.

90% of the thing Steve said, I agree. cause I DID experience it, but of course, compare to Steve, my scale is a lot A LOT smaller. cause my goal is not to be the CEO of a company.

and there is also one thing he said that really hit me:

Even those who are Christians, they do not want to die to get to heaven.

THAT, just cannot be truer.

i know EXACTLY what he meant by it.

i sort of knew this feeling before, and so are many of the ones out there, but to summarize this very thought in ONE sentence, that is amazing.

i wish he just message me now. that is a temp. relief.

for the rest, i just have to figure out, somehow, someway, how to keep things “LAST”.

When I said good bye to people in  France to come to Japan, people gave me some french souvenirs so I wouldn’t forget my 7 years there. Some others  gave me books about Japan and articles about how life is in this oriental country . Among those gifts, I got a short  semi biographic novel written by  Amelie Nothomb, “Fear and Trembling”. The tittle didn’t look quite encouraging, but I decided to give it a try on my way here since I had plenty of time to kill in my connecting stop in London. After reading it, I felt a sense of uneasiness yet it was funny how the writer described her one year experience as a salarywoman in a very prestigious company in Tokyo. The original title  is French “Stupeur et tremblements” literally translates “Amazement and Trembling”, refers to the ancient protocol where a person must demonstrate in presence of the Emperor. However, there are no emperor’s in the book. The books starts like this, and it pretty much tells you where the book is heading in the story line :

“Mister Haneda was senior to Mister Omochi, who was senior to Mister Saito, who was senior to Miss Mori, who was senior to me. I was senior to no one.”

After reading this book I made a little reasearch abou ther life :  Amelie ( neé Fabienne)  Nothomb is a Belgian writer who has lived in plenty of countries.  She was born to a family of Belgian diplomats in Kobe , Japan where she lived  until the age of five , then subsequently lived in China, New York, Bangladesh, Burma and Laos. She expresses in the book and in many web articles that her first years in Japan have marked the rest of her life, and apparently she even wrote a book about her first 3 years in Japan! I was surprised to read that, I am not quite sure any other human being can actually remember their first 3 or 5 years of life and write their memoirs. However, after reading Fear and trembling I think she does spicy her stories with a bit ( if not a lot ) of imagination.

This woman, famous not only for her books but for her giant hats she wears in public, states that what she narrates in her book about about her internship in this prestigious company did actually happen. How can so much humilation be possible? Is this really the model of how young foreign women are treated in traditional Japanese companies? I would say the answer is no. If the book well accounts Nothomb harsh experience with a degree of good humor, I do not believe it is the model to all women who try to make it in a Japanese company. However, it is known  in the difficult world of salaryman that to get somewhere, you do have to suffer a bit  if not a lot when you are a freshman.

In this book a series of slow, public humiliations intended to break western spirit are showed. Nothomb‘s senior boss repeatedly tears up an assignment without explaining the mistake. She is also chastised for taking the initiative on a milk research request that wasn’t directly handed down from her superiors. Then, the one who seemed to be her best ally during her other humiliations, Mrs Fubuki, turned out to be her worst enemy by backstabbing her when she needed a friend, once more showing the horrible corporate world.

This book is quite entertaining, but I doubt it can be taken serious as a true account of what happens to youngsters in the corporate world… or maybe not… maybe there are many stories like this out there… who knows…

If you are not a book geek, there is a movie about this book … check it out :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUdZL7eZdcI

OMG, isn’t that GREAT !!!!!!!!! i wish i can develop a better way to eat my lovely EGG meals. every time it seems like i have ruined the best way to eat them. the egg WHITE, geez !

um, the photo is so so, but it also tasted good.

this is some type of “wonton”. the japan wonton, of course, cannot be compared to the one in Hong Kong, but this one taste ok. because this is not a japanese restaurant.

i bought this intended to give it to someone ( a cute person ), but turned out i got hungry and 食べてしまった 。。。i am ashamed of it.

the photo itself definitely present a little better than the taste itself. this dish actually did not taste that great …

when you are sad, you cannot eat. because 食べても幸せになれないです。

on the contrast, it can make you fat, or give you extra weight you do not want, and, the WORST thing is, it waste you money. the day when you are short of money, thinking back, you would be like, AH! i wish that time i did not spend the money on eating the same food over and over, or trying the food that turned out not even taste great or worth the money! 食べても、it is not like you have gained anything! and if you did not spend the money and ate those at that time, maybe you still have some extra 100,000 yen in the darn account, buddy.

とにかく、there you go, more photos of food.

why? because they are pretty. that is why.

it is the GREEN ONION 丼 from すき屋 again? it was wonderful. i LOVE GREEN ONION!

this is the 五目 flavor, but few sauce, few meat, 足りない感じいっぱい、まあまあ。the least satisfied dish from すき屋。

it was sooooo not enough i think i had to order the darn curry. -_-

this is just one of the little side dish from the meal 上司 treated us. it was interesting, but geez, expensive. thank you boss.

from 松屋。the tuna is good! the 質感 is wonderful !!!!!

OMG, this is something called ちゃんぽん or something like that, it just taste SOOOOOOOOO good, the crunchy noodles, the sticky sauce, ちょうといい！！！

申し分がない！それに、the price is perfectly great! absolutely not expensive! ^^

it is my recent favorite food!

this is from a CURRY restaurant that has been interviewed or introduced on TV, i am not saying it does it taste good, it is special, not like the ones you bought from the supermarket. however, does it really match up the great おすすめ、that i don’t know.

this is the ラーメン shop that i went to in 中野坂上, way WAY before i knew that one day i would be working in the huge building next to it. more than 2 years ago when i tried this it was super wonderful. but this time, after i had tried 10,000 other RAMEN shop, i am disappointed. 一体 what did i eat before in this restaurant that made me feel so great?

the packaging is good, but the taste really not match the package. -_-

this is the cake i received from one of our co-workers. someone someone is treating, but i don’t know who …

not a real food here, obviously, but i was trying out a birthday card before i gave it to someone important.

wonderful McDonald, JAPAN version. i believe this is the SHRIMP, taste SOOOO great!!!!!! >.<

just a regular dish in すき屋、but it taste great! and quite good price.

how often do you here the stupid company you worked before can suddenly disappear before you even get your salary? not to mention the fact that i waited for whole 2 months for that crap, my goodness.

i was told by many of my japanese friends that is not normal, well, trust me, many NOT normal happen to me all the time, but in JAPAN that is kind of new. i had that a lot when i was in US it drove me nuts (to the core) so i finally had to leave and come here. not that after i have come i don’t have to struggle anymore, but for the least, when i go to the darn stores, even just a CONVENIENCE store, it makes you feel good.

why? because that is the type of food a normal ASIAN should eat? not some freaking “food” (if you want to call it food but not SUGAR)  that has syrup all over it or grease / oil overflowing just about every single dish you come across.

one of the wonderful thing of japan — food for the people who really appreciate Asian food. crying out loud.

just a normal Ramen in BAMIYA (or something like that, a family restaurant), but it already tasted wonderful. i think a co-worker of mine treated me this meal.

this piece of meat is TUNA! taste SOOOOOO good, from すき屋。

this is probably one of the worst photos i have ever taken on food. 親子丼。it disappointed me but it still taste better than the crap from the place that i am from.