this past Christmas, i was being 贅沢 to others.  the above are the Christmas cards i finally can afford buying and sending them to others.

and it also include 2 baby cards.

this is the red one, from Sanrio, isn’t that cute? nice design! i sent one to each of my siblings.

this is the card that i sent to my dear cousins, they are so super strong and nice, even though they were born super poor … i have always admire and adore them. even with so much difficulties in life, they seem to be way much happier than i am, or many other families.

i also have one more of this sent to my best friend, the one that let me stay in HK while i had no where to go …

this one i sent it to my good friend in HK, i met her in japan. she is so darn clever and capable in many ways, i wish i can be as efficient as her. plus, she is super beautiful.

i sent one to each of my siblings, cause they both are “baby on board” ~~~ congratulations.  it surprises me how fast they grow.  i guess the one that cannot grow is just me.  even though i have zero interests in creating families, but i guess it is a good thing to have a baby.  esp. since my bro and sis are good people.  i guess the DNA they pass on should be ok, right?

as for me, i wish i can live on without having to go through this process, since day 1 i have never liked my own DNA, and i think it would be a disaster to force this onto the next generation, that child, would end up hating me, just like how i resent my own parent sometimes.  if fortunately, he/she can be like the one i love (my 相手), that would be great, however, currently, i don’t have anyone, obviously.

let’s look at things that does not make all of us going crazy and frustrated!

this is one piece of wonderful bread. from Lawson 100.

this is 1 rare jelly from the SUPERMARKET here.

it does taste great but i think it is kind of expensive … like the ones in convenient store. 厳選って、it does seem like it.  but the last time i tried to look for it again, they already no longer carry it … i doubt if it sold well.

the scenery i took.

if strength is given, i would really want to just make him NOT part of my main life anymore.

this is not the first time. once in a while, he just have to surprise me with EXTREMELY COLD WORDS, words you canNOT even imagine, well, at least i can’t.

maybe someone with a thick face can withhold this.

sorry i cannot.

but since i enjoy being with this human so i always thought and felt it is worthy.

but maybe, now come to think of it, maybe, he is just like a “escape place” for me while i want to escape from improving the language!

cause it is so darn troublesome.

但是這並不是長遠嘅解決辦法. 問題始終都係要面對 …

also, we should forget the people that do not love us, that makes complete sense.

people that love themselves way more than yourself, those type too, we should also forget them.

make sense, right?

i don’t know what this person is thinking about, he never talks to me about anything. it it also a sign of love?  if it is, sorry cause i don’t get it at all.

また決めてないけど、i really want to try not see him as much as before.

少なくとも、if chance is allowed, weekdays no, weekends only たまに。

i am soooo nice to him, but i don’t think for 1 second he thought about how i feel and i doubt after the first 3 months he even tried 1 time to do something special for me.  every time is only me me me, try to create chances to be together, so sick and tired of it.

このまま、i think i just have to stop somewhere.

and now, at this moment, i have the shit phone off, どうせ when he is not around, no one called the darn phone, not even ONE message, only junk mails.  now he is back, and i guess i shouldn’t expect much anyway.  cause it always ends with disappointment.  i THOUGHT he would be better, but he is not.

such a cold person, 本当にやた。

鬼唔望我之後兩個禮拜都可以唔理佢，等佢咁得chek，以為我一定鐘意硬佢咁.

鬼唔望我好快有另外鐘意嘅人添丫，而佢又鐘意自己,  perfect !

hate him !

Lady Gaga said once, hoping people will stop being HATERS. but i wonder if she can forgive her former bad bf, for the least she wrote Bad Romance, right?

today i am super angry.

honestly, what type of people not want to see their loved ones right away after a long trip???

um …, maybe someone that do not care/like you that much, or someone that just not worth your liking?  頭に来る！！！

when he is not around for days, i actually got to do things that needs to be done. and surprised how smooth it can be when i had communicate in my 3rd language.

even when he is around, i am lonely, while he is not around, i am even more lonely, but at least, i do not have to be angry.

personally, i really HATE the partner searching / wondering who the next person would be game. but this round i really had it!

he gave me such a SOUR feeling that i hate the MOST in the world !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when he was not in the country, at least i can live peacefully!

crying out loud today i just went to the stupid 市役所 to change my stupid address for the sake of my visa.

you know, i find him SO DARN spoiled by my passion of having him around. his COLD reaction sometimes really pissed me off!  seriously!!!!

i don’t know how much i can hold it but i really i hate it.

it is like this person made me so angry i cannot concentrate on things.

his existence distracts me from working on the things that can decrease my long-term sadness, means, instead of thinking about “playing with him”, maybe i should try to “study”?  so i can progress my crap jap level faster and be in the native level sooner.

what are the source of my SERIOUS sadness everyday? COMMUNICATION!!!!!!!!!!

every shit day there are shit load of words i don’t understand and it is driving me crazy!  and he did nothing to help me.  and i really dislike it for that, too!!!!!!!!!!!!