” A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey. ”

nice.

turkey is eatable, and it tastes good.

it has been already almost 3 years that i do not have a real turkey. or have bunch of fresh fruit that can be purchased cheaply at the stores.

Japan is nice in many way, but it is a country that lacks of a lot of natural resources. that include fruit and veggie.

recently, there are supermarket that kept having notice “the price of veggie will go up soon, price now still good, please consume!”

honestly, the price now is not great already, cannot imagine how ROCKET HIGH it can go up. unbelievable. it is actually sad.

after coming here, in order to eat blueberry, prunes, the ones that i used to be able to grab so cheap and freely, now i have to pay double the price, just to be able to buy the same one from USA …

the fruits here is beautiful, but they are so crazily expensive.

in order for a person to get enough nutrition from fruit, i don’t think this is going to work. every day 果物なんて、無理でしょう。

so now i go to supermarket, very attracted by the fruit, but not for one single time i feel like i should get any of them …

i guess on the contrast, we can drink some more nice green tea to compensate.

” A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain. ”

um, who can disapprove it?

nice, isn’t it?

a couple days ago, very shocking, i realize not only my brother is going to have a baby in Feb, but even my sister! wow, they all have really grown up, in a different way.

i can understand why my sister told my mom not to tell anyone, and probably she is not comfortable to tell me, neither.

because, in our family, we are just very different from others, me and my sister, even to my brother, they know i always treat them like kids and we play like kids. and both me and my sister are also not into these type of “parent” things, especially to me, it used to be so disgusting.

only until i came to Japan, i have changed my view of it a little, and become a little more positive.

to give birth, to have a child, to make yourself not alone on earth, or want to have someone caring for you when you get old, i don’t understand this theory at all.

to bring a child to this earth is a very serious matter, you did not ask him/her, but you brought him/her here, how would that make the child feel?

without having sufficient love for this world, no one is really qualified to have a child.

until this very day, when discussing how my busy siblings can take care of the babies, my mother can only say “i am not going to to take care of them, i already had such a hard time raising you 3, … you guys used to be sooo troublesome … BLAH BLAH BLAH, …”

a human like this should never have / do not deserve to have any children. she only bring disaster to this world. all she think about is herself and how troublesome it is to raise a child, no love at all. and that is why she also raised children that are so minus, and that is the one who just typed this.

あり得ない。こんな人。

” There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning. ”

that too, it just cannot be more true.

i did it once, that is why i am here. but now what is next?

to see the slow improvement every day is ok, faster is better, but sometimes i still cannot help but feeling very 心 exhausting and tiring.

really, what is next?

to save again, is a progress. the progress lets you to have something to look for. but i did it once before already, i know how that feels at last.

of course this time i would avoid the same result and thoughts to come out again, but seriously, what is next?

every day i just hope for being healthy and can be with the person that i like the most, but obviously he is not helping, neither.

funny sentence, ” even the Christians do not want to die to get to Heaven “, that just says out my deepest thought inside my heart.

SO many times, i just found this world very boring and wish we just all go to heaven, but NOT through death and scare.

sometimes i look at the people around me, do they realize they have to leave this world one day? just because every day life keeps you busy, but don’t they ever wonder, the day can come sooner than they thought, and, the saddest thing is, we still do not know why we are here. for what?

pathetic for a Christian to say that, but honestly, this issue, even the cleverest human, cannot give a satisfactory answer.

” There are no short cuts to any place worth going. ”

i found this sentence a few days ago, and i just could not agree with it more. it says it right. it is sooo darn troublesome i don’t even know where to start.

recently, i have become very moody, or just disappointed. how come i always cannot have things that seem to make sense? ALWAYS! when you treat someone nice and just not want to miss any chance to tell them you care, but turns out, they just don’t care about you.

so you feel hurt, because you feel like you are being taken for granted. but so what, they are still like this.

while i was worrying about every freaking person around me, feeling sorry for their suffering and so on, however, it always turns out God takes care of them really, on the contrast, i always seem to be the one that is the most pathetic and need help.

God helped me in every way even such a worthless being, but i REALLY cannot help but being disappointed all the time.

am i being too doubtful? being too self-conscious? having too low self-esteem, or, it is a completely something else? something more deep and more serious?

on one hand, i wish my japanese can be on the native standard the next day, on the other hand, in the meantime, it is just 苦しい。i wish someone can finally teach me some japanese but no one offers so. even in the past, with money, still those people cannot do the job right.

寂しいです。